Couples Therapy

Do You Feel Unseen, Unheard, And Unloved?

Has your relationship been negatively affected by infidelity, a lack of intimacy, or unresolved conflict? Are you trying to overcome your problems on your own to no avail? Do you worry that if there isn’t a positive shift in your relationship soon, you may end up separated or divorced?

When your romantic partnership is on shaky ground, it can impact all aspects of your life, including your relationship with your kids, other family members, coworkers, and, most significantly, yourself. If you and your partner are struggling to connect, you may feel disengaged, depressed, and unable to show up as the best version of yourself.

You May Be Spending More Time Apart

Perhaps you have become stuck in a cycle where one of you attempts to resolve conflict even if it means having another argument, while the other tries to avoid confrontation at any cost. As a result, you both may feel disconnected, resentful and frustrated that every meaningful conversation seems to lead to a fight or emotional withdrawal. With no resolution in sight, you may be spending less quality time together and find that intimacy between you is waning.

If you have experienced a betrayal—whether due to an emotional or sexual affair, sexting, online pornography, or catching your partner in lies—you may wonder if your relationship can recover from the breach of trust. The resulting trauma could impact your ability to function and keep a positive worldview.

Your deepest wish may be to return to the laughter, fun, and lightness you once shared. If only you felt heard and validated by your partner, you would be willing to open your hearts to each other and reconnect. Fortunately, couples therapy can help you restore emotional closeness and sexual intimacy. Therapy puts your relationship first so you can focus on solutions and repair what is broken.

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Divorce Rates In America Have Remained High

Couple arguing Despite our best intentions to commit to an enduring relationship when we marry, the statistics tell a different story. Sadly, in the U.S., “50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second, and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.” [1] What’s more, “30–40 percent of unmarried relationships and 18–20 percent of marriages see at least one incident of sexual infidelity.” [2]

While marriages and committed partnerships have always taken work to go the distance, more factors seem to be working against monogamy these days. In the age of “swipe/scroll”, we are bombarded with instant gratification, mindless distractions, and have easy access to vices that have the potential to destroy relationships. As the dating culture continues to shift toward “shopping” for a partner versus exploring a genuine connection, it becomes increasingly challenging to enter relationships that can stand the test of time.

We May Lack Healthy Role Models

Unfortunately, many of us come from broken homes and may not have had the best role models growing up. Our parents may have divorced due to infidelity or “stayed together for the kids” despite how dysfunctional their relationship was. And if we experience trauma in childhood, that can impact how we show up in our relationships. Unfortunately, in the absence of good role models, we often cling to idealistic notions of what “true love” looks like and enter romantic relationships with unrealistic expectations. This can lead to disappointment and disenchantment.

The good news is that couples counseling can help you learn how to be a better partner by improving your communication and deepening your emotional connection. This will deepen trust and help intimacy flourish.

Couples Therapy Can Help Mend What Is Broken

couple embracing by ocean No one ever said marriage was easy. Regardless of whether your issues are related to poor communication, emotional distance, unresolved conflict, lack of intimacy, or mismatched desire, couples therapy can help you break old habits and learn healthier ways to connect. And if you could use support reconciling your relationship after a betrayal, couples therapy can provide you with the tools to heal.

Couples therapy offers a safe and supportive environment in which couples can be honest and authentic with each other. Here, you can share your concerns, grievances, betrayals, hopes, and fears. Your therapist will help you identify how you currently relate to one another and offer tangible skills to change your negative dynamic so that your interactions are more loving and harmonious.

What To Expect In Sessions

In sessions, we will examine all aspects of your relationship, including what is working well and what could use improvement. We will talk about what initially brought you together, determine when and how your relationship began to shift, and identify how you can restore a deeper connection. By exploring your current level of trust, resentments, values, desires, and needs, your therapist will help you pinpoint your long-term goals for couples therapy. Or perhaps, you may decide to evaluate whether you are both committed to saving your relationship or moving on.

Your couples counselor will provide you with improved communication strategies, including active listening, reflective statements, and validation of feelings and thoughts. You will also learn how to lower your defenses, share more empathy, and become aware of moments when you or your partner has a heightened nervous system and is susceptible to a fight-or-flight response.

Our Eclectic Approaches To Couples Therapy

Our therapists draw from various evidence-based approaches and modalities for couples, including the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), and Relational Life Therapy (RLT). With its foundation in psychoeducation and hands-on skill-building, Gottman couples therapy offers a blueprint you can follow to improve your relationship. EFT helps you build a stronger emotional connection by identifying the attachment styles you developed in childhood and how they affect the way you relate to each other. Having this insight allows you to support each other and find workable compromises to conflict that nurture connection, empathy, and understanding.

We may utilize RLT if the power dynamic between you is out of balance and one of you tends to be abusive or emotionally controlling. And if unresolved trauma impacts the way you show up in the relationship, we can incorporate Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) into sessions, provided that you or your partner feels comfortable allowing their partner to hold space you process trauma.

The work you do in couples therapy can transform your relationship. By mastering the art of surrender and forgiveness, you can heal from betrayal, rebuild trust, and forge a stronger connection moving forward.

But Maybe You Still Wonder Whether Couples Therapy Will Be Right For You…

Are the therapists at Road To Wellness Therapy trained in couples counseling?

It’s important that the counselor you select for marriage therapy is well-qualified and has experience working with couples. All of our therapists are trained in Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) for couples, Gottman Method techniques, EFCT, and Relational Life Therapy. Each counselor is qualified to work with couples on communication issues, betrayal, infidelity, and the impact previous trauma may have on your relationship.

How long does it take for couples counseling to start mending our marriage or committed relationship?

If both you and your partner are putting in the work, it won’t take long in couples therapy before your communication will flow and feel easier. When you can express your emotions and desires to each other, you will feel lighter in your body and heart. You will begin to feel joy in your relationship again and have more courage in showing up as your authentic selves.

How will I know if I’m ready to move past the betrayal?

When trust has been broken, it can be difficult to open your heart to your partner again and make yourself vulnerable. Whether or not you want to move forward with the relationship or decide it is time to move on is ultimately up to you. In couples therapy, your marriage counselor will help guide you to what feels true for you inside your heart.

Receiving Professional Support For Your Relationship Can Make A Positive Difference

Road to Wellness proudly offers therapy to women and men of all backgrounds, including LGBTQIA+ couples. To find out more about couples counseling with us, either in-person or online, please visit our contact page or call (818) 646-7190 to schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

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¹https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-of-second-and-third-marriages
² https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-sex/202102/why-infidelity-in-relationships-is-so-common